be where you are
When I was 13 years old I stumbled across a video on Youtube titled ‘Kaycee Rice - Werk.’ At the time I was obsessed with Dance Moms and would regularly fall down rabbit holes on youtube of competition dancers and dance classes, imagining an alternate timeline where I had stayed in dance as a kid and was doing the same.
Kaycee blew my mind. I couldn’t believe that this little 10 year old was absolutely killing her choreography and igniting the crowd. A few days later Katy Perry would repost the video of her dancing on twitter and it would go viral; today it has 22million views. (this is one of many instances where I discovered someone on Youtube before they went viral. blah blah you don’t care, whatever. I’m just saying I could have been a really great talent scout).
Those Youtube rabbit holes fostered a love for dance, and specifically, the LA dance class community. I’d regularly drag my dad and sister into the living room to watch some new Sean and Kaycee routine or fawn over Julian De Guzman Choreography. I dreamed of taking classes with the likes of Jojo Gomez and Brian Friedman. I was enamored by the promise and heart and talent in studios like Millennium Dance Complex and Playground. I vowed that if I ever found myself in LA, I would go there.
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In 2018, boygenius released their debut EP 'boygenius.’ For weeks, it was all I could listen to. Nursing a bad high school break up while simultaneously falling in love with someone new, all while navigating the horror that was freshman year of college, the six songs carried me. ‘Souvenir’ remains one of my favorite songs of all time.
The boys did a limited tour that year which I unfortunately missed. They all went on to release solo projects and the question hung in the air if they would ever come back together again, when, surprise!, they released The Record in spring 2023.
I saw them perform at Coachella last April. It was epic. A month later, deep in the thick of post-breakup depression, The Record would become a lifeline and more than anything I wanted to see them live again. Month after month I watched clips of them on instagram wishing I would have the opportunity to see them just one more time, knowing that once this tour was over, they’d probably be gone again for years. Month after month the opportunities flew by, when suddenly their tour was over. Needless to say, I was crushed. (And if you think I sound dramatic then you clearly haven’t experienced the tragedy of missing your fav band).
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In January of 2019 I did a month long internship at an advertising agency in El Segundo, California. It was my first time on the West Coast and I couldn’t be happier to escape the frigid Maine winters (not to mention the boy I was falling in love with lived in LA…I’m just a girl).
It was a fun month. I stayed in an airbnb with a wonderful lady just minutes from the beach. I met an incredible gal named Olivia (who was also an Aries) at the internship and she introduced me to all her gorgeous cool friends. We went out one day to a launch party for a kombucha brand on the Venice canals. The boy I liked took me on a fancy sushi date. I was completely and utterly in love with California. At the time, I had two and half years left of school and no idea how I would find my way back. I returned to school miserable and angry, wishing time would speed up so I could go back to LA.
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When I was a freshman in college I was introduced to a senior guy named Stefan. Stefan was (is) a photographer, and at the time had just come off a stint touring with Ariana Grande. It was the first time in my life that I met someone who did the things that I wanted to do who was around my age. A whole new world of possibility opened up.
Yet it would take me until my senior year to finally pick up a camera. My olympus stylus (my baby) came with me everywhere, and despite the frustrations and limitations of a very pandemic senior year, I managed to fall in love with taking photos of my friends, of trips, of whatever I could.
Still I dreamed of one day shooting concerts. Being able to blend my love of photography and film and live music. Meeting musicians I looked up to and seeing different parts of the country from a tour bus…it seemed so romantic, so right. At the time though, I felt frustrated and stunted by the pandemic, by college, by my own imposter syndrome and lack of experience. Everything felt so far away and out of reach.
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Two years and three months ago I moved to Los Angeles.
This past Halloween I saw boygenius perform at the Hollywood Bowl, and then last Thursday I saw them at a secret acoustic show (their last show for the foreseeable future) with 150 other people at a small venue in downtown LA.
On Saturday I went out dancing with Olivia and her super cool friends and brother in Venice.
On Tuesday I photographed my first live concert at the iconic Troubadour.
On Wednesday, I took my first dance class at none other than Playground.
I’m good at wanting. I’m good at daydreaming. I’m good at wishing.
And when the moments I’ve been waiting and wishing and wanting and daydreaming for come, I often experience them and then let them pass by, moving swiftly onto the next thing.
But this is me taking a moment. This letter is more for myself than anyone else. It’s a way to say, look girl, you did the damn thing. enjoy it. — while still acknowledging how much more there is I want to do and how much farther I want to go.
So I guess I’d encourage you all to think about what it is you were dreaming, wanting, wishing for six months, a year, four years ago. Chances are, a lot of it has probably happened. Did you take a moment? If not, take one now.
Sending love,
<3 liv
